Monday, October 11, 2010

i am severely comfortable. for three more months.


I live in the cutest town in the world with the best family in the world. The food is good, the friends are the very greatest, the neighborhood is perfect (except for the one house of drug dealing neighbors...ehh.) Southeastern is the best school, I have the best Taekwondo School, the best Church, the best Goodberry's ice cream, the best Chickfila. The cute ladies at the bank know my name and ask me about my life. No matter where I go, I see friends or meet someone who knows at least someone in my family. It is so unbelievably homey here. I am well loved, well fed, and well clothed.

If you want to go anywhere or do anything (providing its a small town type of thing...), it is five minutes from my house. You wanna go to the coolest old farm-turned-into-a-park? Turn left. You wanna go eat Chinese food? Turn right. Wanna go to the library? Go straight. Wanna go to the best thrift store ever? Turn left. Wanna go to the farmer's market or hear a little Irish man sing songs? Go straight on Saturday. {Just don't go too late or the Irish man will be replaced by the belly dancers...which are just plain creepy.}


I love this place. I always knew I'd be leaving someday to be a missionary in a far off land or something along those lines. I just expected 'someday' to be somewhere around five years from now. Not three months from now. I always expected to leave my family and friends and comforts at some point, but I didn't expect it to be so soon, or this bittersweet.

Who the heck would ever want to leave this place?

Who in their right mind would leave, when they could stay?

It is so comfortable. It is so warm and fuzzy. Sure there are problems, and things that get annoying, and there are rude people (probably only 3.) But in the grand scheme of things, this is a goodgoodgood place to live life.

                                                           Why the heck am I leaving?

Why the heck am I leaving my family, and my friends, and my poodle, and my bed, and my cute little town?

 When I was in Uganda and had just heard about this internship, I was praying for God to show me His will on whether or not I should even consider going. Whether or not I should consider leaving everything so much sooner than I had planned to leave it. My family that I love so much. My friends.You know, especially since I was gonna go off and be a missionary after school and all. Anyways, here is what I looked down to see on the page of my Bible:

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." -Matthew 10:36-39


Oh hey, Ellie. Guess what? Lame excuses.
Christ didn't give me life, and then save my life, to have me do that which I deem worthy. I live for a greater purpose than comfort. I live so that others may know Christ and live as well.

This whole thing sounds pretty foolish if it was merely my idea to pick up and move to another state in my senior year of highschool. However, I know that this wasn't my idea. I know that the God who holds my life in His hands has a goodgoodgood plan for me, and my family, and my friends. And if that plan involves me leaving, then that has to be good.

I've been around a bit , but I've always come back home after a few weeks. It just hit me a few days ago that a year is a long time. Especially when you thought you knew what you would be doing, and all of a sudden, there is this massive thing on the radar thats going to take up a year of your life. Even though it is an amazing thing, it is still going to be a hard thing.

There is a quote that keeps coming to my mind when I start to count up the cost of following Jesus in this next year of life though...

 "He is no fool that gives that which He cannot keep, to attain that which He cannot lose."- Jim Elliot

This is not my forever home. I am not alive so that I can be comfortable. I am alive to bring glory to my creator. I am alive to love Him and to share the good news of His son with the world.

I am excited to be transplanted. I know that God is going to show Himself to be my El Shaddai - all sufficient one - more and more with each day. This is the part where Jesus gets to be my very best friend. This is the part where I get to see Him holding my hand and walking me through the good, the bad, and the ugly parts.

I'm choosing to trust. I'm choosing to obey. I'm trading in fear and worries and comfort and norms and all that crap stuff for the all surpassing peace and joy that comes from knowing that the God of the Universe loves me and has a GOOD plan.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen.

I'm gonna miss a whole lot of this...

...But I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard all that I have entrusted to Him.

                                              So...bring it Tennessee. I've got Jesus and Skype.


natali said...

Girl, we are going to walk through this next year together. Even though we'll be in separate parts of the world, i know God has placed you in my life for such a time as this. Can we skype next year, please? I'm sure we will have lots in common to talk about. Maybe not the culture, maybe not the food, but the sheer fact of leaving our comforts and doing what Jesus wants us to. :)

Sharon said...

I'll have to say that was a pretty awesome post!! What a God moment (or slap:) when He gave you that verse while we were in Uganda!! Wow! It's so amazing to see what God does with a willing heart! I am praying for you as you step out in faith and take on this wonderful opportunity that I sure will change you and make a huge impact in the world!!! Love you girl!

Staci said...

awesome post ellie! definitely something that i've been thinking alot about lately too-leaving home. tennessee sounds like an amazing opportunity and i can't wait to follow your journey there too!! it definitely does not sound easy tho to leave home.. i'm really pretty scared of that day for myself which i'm guessing is just getting alot closer all the time,but like you said, when you're following God's plan, it's gotta be good!! ps- it was sooo awesome getting to meet you!! :)

JustinPhillips said...

This is super encouraging.

JustinPhillips said...

This is super encouraging, Ellie.

JustinPhillips said...

Oh, I didn't realize you have to approve these first. I was like "Dang dogggg, why aint my comment showin uppp?"

AuraSoul! said...

I found your mom's blog, and then found yours. Your family is amazing. I have being having the desire for something new and someplace new. However, I always think how far from my family my desires would take me and sometimes I feel guilt that I would even think of leaving them when they all want me so close.

I felt like your post was a slap in the face from God. You wrote exactly what has been on my mind lately regarding God's place in family and the bible verses have been at the back of my mind for the longest time, but i kept pushing them further back. Thank you.

I know if God decide to move me or asks me to stay put...I will do his biddings.

Did I say your family is amazing? lol