Life with five small children is hard...h.a.r.d. God has realllly been working on my heart lately and has shown me that I'm not always doing the daily things with a joyful heart. I prayed for these babies for so long and now that its hard, its not always as cool as the original idea of it was. I love these kids with all of my heart but when everyone is whining and its raining and freezing and nobody is listening its not so fun.
God really spoke to my heart a few weeks ago though and said..."hey, remember all those people you saw in Africa who were soo joyful? Their circumstances were even more not fun than yours. In fact, they had some of the worst circumstances you could ever imagine. But they trusted me. They knew that I have a plan for them. If you would just stop being so darn selfish and know that I have called you to this and that I will give you everything you need to complete this task, you can do it. Not only that...You can do it with joy." James 1: 2-3 says "Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." God has called me to the awesome task of being the big sister to 5 precious orphans who are orphans no more. I realized that I was not enjoying them as much as I could be because of my selfish heart. Within the past few weeks though, I have really begun to pray for God to change my heart and give me a servants heart. I want to be Jesus's hands and feet and I want to love my siblings the way Jesus loves them. I want to serve them the way Jesus would if He were here. Let me tell you, in bringing Christ into my thoughts more and continually going to Him in prayer when it gets tough, I have been able to enjoy my siblings in a whole new way. He has given me new eyes to see this situation. Instead of having to feed the kids breakfast while thinking about all the school I have to do...just in devoting my thoughts to getting the kids fed and talking to the boys about things while Im doing it has allowed me to enjoy them more and I'm not as short tempered when something unexpected happens. (something usually does.) I have seen everyone in my family in a new light and I really believe that Jesus has answered my prayer and has allowed me to see a little but more of how he views them and has allowed me to know Him on a deeper level then before. I have learned firsthand these past few weeks that our joy truly can not be full until we are depending fully on Christ for our needs. I can not do anything in my own strength but through him, I can do all things. I want to decrease so that He may increase. Luke 21:19 "By your endurance you will gain your lives." By serving Christ, we are given the oppurtunity to truly live.
1 Peter 1:7 "so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ..." I pray that God will refine my heart through the hard times and I pray that most importantly, He will use me to show His love to the littles.
He has allowed me to enjoy this...:)
